It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
