4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
