will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wish my penis had a tongue
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
