I feel like abortions should bother me more
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
