considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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