I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
