He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
