Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
