we're chasing vodka with high fives
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
