I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
