She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
