Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
