no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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