Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
