the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
