I'm lost and stupid without you.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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