Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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