she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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