the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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