I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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