this beer tastes like vomit already
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
