I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
