Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
