in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
