He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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