Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
