I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
