If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
