peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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