i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
