I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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