drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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