I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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