No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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