I have demons in me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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