Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
