I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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