That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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