What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
