So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
