I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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