Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She's the barista slut.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
