Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
