I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
