I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
