So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize