Where did you get a picture of my penis
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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