just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She bit a glass in half.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize