Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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