that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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