I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
