i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
