White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
