My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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