i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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