Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
