I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
