Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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