Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
