i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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