it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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