My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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