Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
