My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
