i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
