I want to make a zoo with you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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