it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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