Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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