You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
